When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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