she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
