Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
