What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
