I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
