This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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