you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
