dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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