She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
