She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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