I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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