So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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