Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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