My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
