some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
