Dual....:-)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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