the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
