Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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