Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
