it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
