You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I FOUND THE LEGS
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
