JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
