her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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