My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
