Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
