Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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