My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Shame is for Republicans.
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