i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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