It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
