Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
