eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
