I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
