If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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