East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
