How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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