She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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