**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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