the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
no you cant smoke seaweed
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
