Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
