I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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