even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
