So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
