when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
