Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
