I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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