i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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