Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
