You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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