well I can't set my house on fire every night
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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