I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
