So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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