at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
