I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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