I puked a lego.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
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hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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