hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
