Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
