Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
