Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
