I heard we made out
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
