Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
