I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
false alarm. still invincible.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
