Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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