then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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