i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
do nipples grow back?
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