YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we're so committed to being not committed
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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