so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
