you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Panties = found
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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