she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
my poor anus
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
