If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
