she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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