3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
