Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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