You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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