Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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