Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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