hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.