Well douche your snatch and let's go!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain