he shaved USA in his pubs
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
