i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill