Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol