just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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