I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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